A little truth that goes a long way….say no to live ins

June 17, 2015

I was jogging on a rainy day and decided to duck for cover in a local grocery store. While looking for some ice tea, I heard the words “why doesn’t he marry me.” I get sad when I see people crying be it women or men. I hate seeing that. It makes me upset. It also makes me a little nervous to have relationships.

Be it that I am very shy, I have had the opportunity to observe. Just observe and with this I have something to say. Some men who have daughters will applaud me and some women reading this will hate me. I mean really hate me. Am I alright being hated for telling a little truth…..yes because I am tired of seeing beautiful people getting shafted.

Here it is. When did living together became the norm? I say this because one time I worked with a woman who had a series of long-term live-in boyfriends. And she said something that really haunted me. She said whenever she moves in with a man, she makes sure to write her name on each furniture item so when it doesn’t work she knows what is hers. This was like in 1994 and it STILL freaks me out because when I said “so you don’t think it will work.” Her reply was “well I have lived with men before and I just want to be safe.”

Okay what is safety related to living together exactly? Let me put it this way; if you are living together in order to see each other more, then perhaps you shouldn’t be together. Yes this is harsh but if you really wanted to be with someone wouldn’t you make time to be with that person. I thought of the whole marriage situation. And for some reason, perhaps I am wrong but, women think living together is a step towards marriage and men think of it as a step away from marriage.

I was in a long-term relationship and I threatened break up once my man at the time wanted to live with me. I replied “you can live with me once we get married.” Looking back there are many reasons why we did not get married. We were told we made an attractive couple and yes he was a very good-looking man. We had some moments but at the last year, I didn’t want to spend time with him and as he said “Your eyes no longer lit up when you see me.” Now imagine how bad it would had been had I lived with him?!

Well anyway back to the woman who was crying at the store. While I was looking for that tea and seeing her, I really wanted to hug her just because. I mean it is not the first time I saw a woman crying like that. Me being a romantic well I want everyone to find the one. Why not? But when I heard that she lived with her boyfriend now for 2 years between the sobs. It was well the worse place to be.

I just remembered looking at the floor praying that she didn’t see me. Feeling like a jerk seeing all that I did. I felt uneasy about it because so many women have gone thru this and will go thru this.

I can speak from my own experience, the number of times men who I have dated wanting to live together. I NEVER did nor will I ever do that. For me it is not the norm or requirement in order to be with a man. If he only wants me if I move in with him then forget it. Run I say far away.

I recalled having a few discussions early on with my college male friends and that subject was brought up. And you know what, all the guys in that psychology class said the words “good because you are not the type of girl who would do that.” And let me stress, ladies if you are reading this and still do not hate me okay you can hate me just a little, why would you want to be with a man that you know who had live-in girlfriends before you?

If you can answer why you are living with a man and the bottom line is that you don’t want to get married. Well by living together you pretty much will have that happen to you. If you hate that then don’t do it. Now if you need to get a male point of view then talk to your father or brother.

You may wonder why I decided to write this. It is just the simple fact if I can prevent tears and unhappiness with a little truth so be it.



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